Gaining Additional Insight
10 Common Mistakes and Oversights in Divorce Agreements
As a divorce mediator in private practice, I also see couples coming back for post-divorce mediation. Often, what brings them back are errors, omissions and oversights in their original divorce agreements.
Mom’s house, Dad’s house
If you ask their opinion, children will almost always choose a two-parent, two-home alternative over a one-home arrangement with the other parent as a visitor or -- worse yet -- gone from the scene entirely. Here's how to meet the challenges of setting up two happy homes for your children.
What to Do When One is Too Many and Ten is Not Enough
Custody can be a confusing issue when addiction is involved. Once the addicted person has entered treatment, how do you know when to increase visitation and who decides? What should you do if the addicted individual doesn’t seek treatment?
Can You Have a Mediated Divorce If You Are Angry At Your Spouse?
Anger is a normal feeling to have during a divorce. In fact, if you didn’t feel angry there would probably be something very wrong. Usually, one person has been unhappy for a period of time preceding the divorce, and was angry during this time. Anger can be expressed in mediation and in fact, it is a valuable tool for a mediator to use.
Step by Step
Parenting is a pretty tough job, but step parenting can be even harder. What are your roles and responsibilities? How does it compare with parenting your biological children? And what happens to step-relationships when the step family breaks up? Here are some tips on these issues.
Effects of Divorce on Children
In the last few years, higher-quality research which has allowed the "meta-analysis" of previously published research has shown the negative effects of divorce on children have been greatly exaggerated. Researchers now view conflict, rather than the divorce or residential schedule, as the single most critical determining factor in children's post-divorce adjustment. The children who succeed after divorce have parents who can communicate effectively and work together as parents.
Is Mediation for You?
The mediation process, also called Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR), requires two individuals who are willing to look past their emotions and, in a spirit of cooperation, find the best solution for their unique situation. Mediation is not a magic pill -- it can't turn a terrible situation into a good one -- but it can help to create a future everyone can live with.
Learning to live apart
Separation is an important stage of the divorce process. This waiting period can be the perfect thing to calm your nerves and give you needed clarity. During this time, you must "cut the cord" to bring about a state of closure, because it's only with closure that you can begin a new life.
The Appropriate Divorce Model
Experience and research has helped us identify some of the basic elements of a successful and healthy divorce. The term "successful and healthy" as used here, means completing the divorce process of emotional separation, achieving a new center of balance as a single person and single parent, maintaining the best interest and welfare of your children, and establishing positive and healthy new attitudes toward yourself, your ex-spouse, and your prior marriage.
Divorce Mediation Leads To A Lasting Resolution
The positive and transforming effects of mediation can have a lasting effect beyond the context of the dispute at hand. The beneficiaries of the mediation process are not always limited to the disputing parties. There are family members, neighbors, and co-workers who may all be affected by the dispute, and who may experience a change, sometimes a profound change in their own lives when a dispute is resolved in mediation.
How To Take Conflict Out Of Divorce
It's possible to divorce in a way that supports the well-being of everyone. You can end the conflict, heal the hurt and part as friends. You just need to learn how. Unfortunately, most divorces are handled in a very different way. Sides get drawn and issues become something to fight over rather than something to resolve.
Getting a Parental Grip
The biggest challenge is to be your children’s rock during a time when you feel like you are about to lose your mind. During the transition, your kids are dealing with their own issues and emotions. There is definitely pain and loss for children; they will need time to grieve and experience their pain before moving on.
Fighting Words
When your ex makes you "fighting mad," it can be hard to resist the impulse to engage in verbal battle. But a fight just leads to a revenge attack, and then another and another. Here's how to get out of this vicious circle and resolve your dispute.
Checks and Balances
How do you deal with money when you are so involved emotionally with your spouse? That is the central question you must answer for yourself, and that is what we will help you do throughout this article, because the better you manage your emotions, the better you will be able to manage your money during divorce. It’s a difficult task.
Which Financial Professional Is The Right One To Use In Divorce?
Traditionally, financial planners work with individuals at the conclusion of the legal process. However, financial planners with additional training in the financial, tax, and emotional issues of divorce (Certified Divorce Financial Analysts - CDFA) can be extremely valuable during the divorce process.
Who Started It Doesn’t Necessarily Matter!
Sitting between parents in a high conflict situation with regard to custody and access issues is like watching the scarecrow from Wizard of Oz. However, with separated parents they are both pointing at each other, each blaming the other.
Dealing with Complaints
When your children complain about their other parent, you may be tempted to come out swinging. Your impulse to fight for your children can make you say and do things that you may later regret. Here are a few strategies to help confused parents make sensible decisions when children complain about their dad or mom.
The Good Divorce
The "good divorce" is not an oxymoron. The simple truth is that while there are bad divorces, there are also good ones. And it's never too late to have a good divorce.
Hurdling the Barriers
Here's how to overcome some of the most common barriers to successful mediation.
A Fair Negotiation
Negotiation skills will help you achieve some of your needs and wants without alienating or angering the other parties involved. Here's how to use negotiation to resolve disputes and to build better interpersonal relationships.
The Money Trap
Two nice people who used to be a nice couple not too long ago are suddenly being cheered on like two gladiators trying to destroy one another. The "Greek chorus" of well-wishers sometimes gives bad advice.
The Most Common Questions Asked About Divorce Mediation
There is another courtroom myth that dies hard, the myth that legal fees are paid for by the party who loses. In most divorce courts, this is simply not true. Whether you win or lose, you will most likely be picking up your lawyer's tab.
The Perfect Divorce
Your family is going to look different after divorce, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. Here are ten steps to help you re-create your family as a happy, functional, two-home family post-divorce.
Returning to the Workforce
I've been out of the workforce for years......who will hire me now? If you’re asking this question, a transition has occurred that is leading you to seek a new path.
Learning to Dream After Divorce
I know exactly the moment I had my last dream. I don’t mean my last nighttime dream. I mean the last time I allowed myself to dream that something wonderful and amazing would happen to me.
The “Trial Separation”
When couples elect to “trial separate”, they are usually doing so to determine if being apart or being together is where they need to be. Of course, these goals vary from couple to couple, but nonetheless, couples are testing the waters of separation/divorce for a variety of reasons.
The Power of Pets
Pets make you feel needed. When you’re feeling depressed, you may want to just stay in bed and pull the covers over your head. But if you have a dog you know that it needs to be fed and walked. So there’s some sense of stability and continuity there…there’s someone who needs your care.